Who Needs Mid-Life for a Crisis?

I don’t know if there’s a formal definition for “mid-life crisis” or if it’s more of a series of “wow-my-life-isn’t-where-I-want-it-to-be-right-now-so-I’m-
making-some-dramatic-and-maybe-stupid-changes” kind of thing.  Assuming the mid-life crisis is less about age and more about the need for change – I’ve had my share of crisis.

When I was 25, I quit my very cool entertainment marketing job and my very cool house near the beach in LA and moved to Arizona to live on my friend’s couch in the middle of the desert.  During the summer.  (Yes, dry heat is easier to stomach that thick, horrid humidity, but 120 degrees in the shade sucks pretty badly.)

This crisis at 25 wasn’t sparked by any one event.  I just went into work one day and kind of lost my sh*t.  After the great independence that one finds in college (a situation that, despite the assertion of nearly every high school valedictorian speech, is as far from “the real world” as possible), I was suddenly into year four of working endless hours.  Cool job and cool perks or not – I literally couldn’t take it anymore.  So, I answered the call of a futon in Arizona. 

For the better part of three months, I slept in, worked out, saw movies and drank myself silly.  I was ready for retirement.  Alas, this crisis didn’t take and I eventually found myself back in the working world – at the same company I had left only a few months earlier.  This time, though, with the dream job in sports marketing.

The second mid-life crisis came a few years later while working in Florida.  This one was the result of the TWA Flight 800 tragedy.  A friend’s cousin was on the plane and, though things were good in Florida, they weren’t good enough.  I wondered; if I were on that plane – would I have been happy with my life if it ended?  It was easy to say no.  So, I shipped myself back to California – just as I had done from Arizona three years previously.  (Drive from AZ – CA: 8 hours.  Drive from FL – CA: 46 hours with a scant six hours of zzzzzzz in San Antonio.)

Crisis number three and crisis number four also resulted in my leaving cool gigs (people still gaze in awe with, “You worked at TiVo?”).  There was a move from LA to the Bay Area.  There were new relationships, broken relationships and more new relationships.  There were (really) short haircuts, hair bleached blonde and an ill-advised goatee.  There was the Harley purchase.  Though, I don’t know if that counts as a crisis, as much as it was just the realization of a dream that started when I was five-years old.  There were always new car considerations – all of which are just designed to stave off the mid-life beast.

In preparation of the next Dads on Fire podcast (which will be about mid-life crisis), I’ve done a bit of research.  It seems that the reason for most mid-life mental implosions are the result of wanting to make a mark on the world and feeling like time is running out to do so.  Now, I don’t know how a Porsche helps us leave a mark on the world (maybe skid marks on the road, but the world?), but a new sports car does seem to ease the pain of aging.  (As does a 25-year old model – apparently.  Me?  That’s never been on the list.)

Personally, every crisis I’ve ever had was the direct result of not doing what I wanted to be doing.  Regardless of how cool the job was, I always left to find the next cool job.  Always chasing the passion – first entertainment, then sports, then sports online, then TV, then…the penultimate – self-employment.  And now – the penpenpenultimate…writing (almost for a living, even!). 

Would I like a 911 Carrera?  Ummm…Duh!  And, someday, I may even have one.  But I won’t need it to prove my worth to the world.  I have other projects that will hopefully do that.  I think I’ve had my mid-life crisis (over and over again).  I feel that as I actually approach mid-life (how the hell did THAT happen?) that any crisis has already been had and, as a result, any future crisis averted.  As long as I keep doing what I’m doing – Lisa should be safe.

Comments

[Todd Lieman]

Nicolette - the fact that we have the same template is perfect! Look forward to talking with you on Monday and learning all the secrets.

[Nicolette Beard]

Todd,

I thought I held the record for midlife crises (3) and wrote about it on my blog also. http://www.man-o-pause.com/manopause/2007/07/i-woke-up-and-r.html

Whit's comment is spot on. My husband and I speak in awe when we discuss his father working for the phone company for 35 years.

off topic but what are the odds of us sharing the same Typepad template?

[Todd Lieman]

Absolutely! I think the biggest misnomer is that it's actually a "crisis." We're just not afraid of change. Since we're not - we repeatedly pop the pressure that builds with doing the same thing over and over...Crisis avoided.

[Whit]

I think you've nailed it. Our parents generation got one job and pretty much stuck it out and then had their respective mid-life crises at the appropriate time.

Our generation jumps from job to job, chapter to chapter, and each of them bring their own crises.

Aren't a few little breakdowns better than one big one?