Life & Times of a New Dad

Random (And Not So Deep) Thoughts

Not everything that happens is worthy of an entire post. In fact, most of the time, there are just a series of completely unrelated events and experiences that occur in the typical day (or week?) in a life that warrant some commentary, but might be a bit of a stretch to turn into one long posting. In other words I’m about to start babbling about all kinds of things. Not sure if any of it will be relevant to actual parenting, but definitely worthy of the things that happen in the “day(s) in a life.”

Planes: I’ve spent a great deal of time on airplanes recently. New York, Milwaukee, Omaha, Denver, San Diego, LA are just a few of the airports I’ve seen in the last few weeks. One a few of these trips, I was seated in the exit row and got the typical speech from the flight attendant about being able to perform the duties that come with extra legroom. As she was giving the speech, a dude in the seat in front of me turned around to check me out. It was a look that said, “I just want to make sure the exit row guy really can lift 35 pounds.” I thought it was interesting. I’ve never checked out the people sitting in the exit rows and, I guess, in theory, those people may very well be the difference between life and…well, not life.

Trumpets: Because of K-Man’s interest in music and my thoughts about my own music history, I’ve been thinking about my trumpet. I know where it is. I’m just afraid to bring it back out. While I played it well and actually loved playing it…I’m terrified of the noise it makes! G-d knows, with kids, there’s enough noise in a house (and a life) – does it really make sense to start playing the trumpet again? It’s tempting, of course. I think anything you’re good at is tempting to try again.

Crushes: K-Man has a serious crush on one of his teachers. Makes me think about my first teacher crush on Ms. Konecy (sp?). She was my first grade teacher and she sort of laid the groundwork for the “crush that started it all” years later (that would be Pam Dawber).  K-Man’s crush is for Yavit. He talks about her all the time…and she’s not even his primary teacher! His crush goes so deep for her that he wore a blue shirt yesterday simply because Yavit had worn a blue shirt the day before. He’s three-years old…and whipped.

Limos: I rode in a stretch Hummer limousine last night as part of the rehearsal dinner festivities for my friend’s wedding. It’s an incredible spectacle – this vehicle that seats 12 or 15 people chugging down the street (and with a carbon footprint big enough to kill a small country). The irony of this tank (literally) is that it looks really cool from the outside (was good fun to watch all the people staring and taking pictures of the thing), but inside? It wasn’t all that cool. Kind of a cheesy night club vibe more than anything. Maybe there’s a lesson in that? The old cliché rings true? It’s what’s on the inside that matters, looks can be deceiving and don’t just a book by its cover.

Parenting: Getting away from “being a parent” for a few days is the very best way to be a better parent. Because our kids are in school most of the day, I think we sometimes we feel guilty taking time away from our kids. That’s just silly. Get away. Remember what it was like before you had kids and then you’ll be reminded about how great it is that you do have them (most of the time!). And then…when you return – you’ll have patience and be a better dad or mom. (Most of the time!)

TiVo: It just sucks watching TV without a DVR.

Told you it was random.

Reflections on a Jumpy

As I prepare for and look ahead to a series of trips that will take me to eight airports in 10 days (admittedly including a couple of connections), I find myself looking back to K-Man’s b’day party yesterday. The jumpy was a great attraction, of course, but what brought me the most pleasure was watching K-Man interact with his friends. I’m not sure that anything can warm a heart more than hearing little voices call out the name of your kid. “Where’s K-Man?” was asked over and over. I love that.

With more than 15 kids at the house, I kind of expected a few injuries, lots of tears and a couple of fights. Didn’t happen. K-Man broke down twice, which was more the result of being exhausted from hours upon hours of jumping with no nap. There were a couple of incidents involving his favorite toy. Other than that – it was a peaceful lovefest. (Side note: K-Man didn’t want to share his toy saw with anyone. So, when Charlie grabbed it – well, suffice to say nothing good can come from that. A little party tip: Before a party, take away any toys that your kid won’t want to share. We learned that yesterday. The hard way, apparently.)

As I looked around the backyard at the sea of scrambling kids (and happy, adult-beverage drinking parents!), I had one of those (infamous?) flashes forward. I wondered how many of these kids would be K-Man’s friends for the long haul. I wondered how many of these people would be our friends for the long haul. Because of the cost of living in the Bay Area, relocating is a constant subject of conversation. So, there’s no telling who will ultimately leave.

Beyond that, though, when the kid is younger, it seems like friends kind of come and go based on activities, groups and, most importantly, school. We (and K-Man) have a few friends that arrived around the same time K-Man did thanks to mom’s groups and the like, and a few have been added with other activities. Along the way, friends who had been around started to drop away because they didn’t have kids or because their kids were completely different ages. I know it makes sense, but it’s still kind of strange. We all know the big life changes that result in having a kid, but the “friend-factor” was something I never really expected.

We all talk about how difficult it is to find balance in our lives. We end up working too much, traveling (for work that is!) too much and generally not taking enough time for ourselves. The hats we wear as professional, parent, coach and whatever else take up far more than 24-hours a day. So, even when we do have great friends, it sometimes difficult to find the time to see them. This, of course, just makes it all the more likely that you end up losing touch and having those late-night conversations that start with, “What ever happened to (fill in name here)?” The answer is usually, “We traded messages a bunch of times and just couldn’t get it together. Before long, we just sort of gave up and lost touch, I guess.”

One things is for certain. Great friends are hard to come by – at any age. So, on this great day yesterday – it felt so good to have everyone there. All these people that care about the kid. I can only hope that most of these friends will remain for the long haul. I can only hope that even as a few of them move to parts unknown that we’ll stay in touch. After all, in retrospect many of them were around to celebrate K-Man’s birthday last year. And I hope they stick around for another and another…

I have to pack.

Three Years & Counting

K-Man celebrated his third birthday yesterday and the soiree is tomorrow. Three. Years. Old. Unbelievable. I don’t have that “I can’t believe it’s been three years old already” feeling. Instead, it’s just more of a, “I can’t believe how developed, aware and capable a three-year old can be” feeling. What this kid is capable of, what he says, what he understands continues to baffle me each and every day. Truly.

I went into the whole parenting thing blind. And, frankly, went into it completely unsure of what it was or what it meant. I didn’t really know anything about kids (still don’t?). I didn’t really notice kids. I noticed dogs. But not kids. If you pointed out a kid and asked me to guess his/her age – I wouldn’t have a clue. I can guarantee, however, that I would have guessed a three-year old to be closer to five or even six.

If I look back at his development in the last few years, it’s incredible. From that first smile and laugh (that wasn’t because of gas) to rolling, crawling (never on his knees) and walking and running, it’s amazing to see what they learn and how they learn. Not just K-Man, but all kids, I suppose. (Yes, because he’s “my kid,” I likely feel he’s more incredible than most!)

While I certainly feel that it’s all moving so fast, at the same time I find myself thinking about what’s to come. I don’t want the time to move any faster than it is (though, sometimes I guess I really do), but I can visualize the first day of school (“real school” with homework!), his first Little League hit or first concert. I don’t want the time to move faster, but I look forward to so many of these life moments with/for the kid. This is only natural, I suppose.

I’m notorious for getting overly introspective on my own birthdays. Now that K-Man is having his “big days,” I’m doing the same with him. The difference is that I think about my own place in the world for my birthdays; am I achieving all that I want to achieve and chasing the dreams that need to be chased? But, for K-Man’s birthday, I ponder whether or not I’m being the best dad I can be; am I teaching him all that I need to teach him and helping him explore all that needs to be explored? I hope so.

Parenting, of course, is strange that way – equal parts reward and patience-drain. (Maybe not “equal,” but you get the idea.) So, I think I’m far more aware of when I’m being a “bad dad” than when I’m actually providing the right example. Maybe that’s part of being overly hard on oneself. And, K is still a little young for me to torment him with, “So, little man, have I done right by you?” Then again, it wouldn’t surprise me if he responded with, “Well, Dad, I would actually prefer if you…” and then rattled of a list of one or two (or 10 or 100) things that he wished I would do.

But, this is his day. And, at three-years old, he doesn’t have the time or the need to reflect and get introspective. That’s the genius of being three, I suppose. It’s just learning, growing, playing and playing some more. (And, eating, sleeping and potty training – more on that later.) That’s the genius of being three – everyday is still a new adventure and K-Man seems to sqeeze every single drop that he can out of his life. I love that about him.

Perhaps that’s it. I need to stop worrying about what I can teach him and really pay more attention to what he can teach me. Wow. I can’t believe he’s three years old already.

A New Addition!

We’ve welcomed a new addition to our household and I just had to shout from the rooftops. We're just thrilled and so blessed. I’m, of course, writing about K-Man’s new imaginary friend.

K-Man’s friend’s name is Do-To. Actually, I don’t know if that’s how it’s spelled. It could be Due-Too, or Due-to, or Deau-Teau, or Du-Tu or…Screw it. I’m going with Do-To. It’s the shortest. Since K-Man is abbreviated to K-Man in these parts, I might just go with DT. I suppose it doesn’t matter. What does matter, however, is that she (yes, DT is a baby girl) is now living in our house, going to school and generally showing up everywhere. (Given the fact that DT is just a baby, her most impressive feat, so far, might be that she apparently already knows how to swim.)

Her arrival was unannounced. She just moved right in. Although that might seem a might bit rude, we have accepted her. Naturally, I wondered if K-Man’s new friend was a sign of distress. K-Man just stared at a new school (which, is offering a huge amount of potential content for this blog) and I thought that he was uncomfortable or overwhelmed with his new surroundings. Enter DT. (And, she shows up everywhere – even when we didn’t know she was around. Chances are good she’s with me on the airplane right now and I just don’t know it!)

However, according to most childhood experts (real or otherwise), imaginary friends do not have anything to do with distress, but instead are a sign of creativity and intelligence. Fortunately, as coursed through my brain, we’re not talking the launch of multiple personalities, here! (I’m not just saying that because I think K-Man is smarter than your average bear. Google it if you don’t believe me.) Because of this, we’re only too happy to welcome her into our home. She doesn’t seem to take up too much space and leaves the dog alone. So, she can’t be all bad. (Plus, even though she’s a baby – she hasn’t ever required a new diaper. All in all, the imaginary newborn is much easier than the real one.)

All proud Papa stuff aside, I do see where the creativity comes from. I can see how creativity manifests itself with the arrival this new baby girl. It’s fascinating, really. K-Man sits with DT and has conversations with her. They talk about (what else?) fire trucks, firefighters and the dog. Oftentimes, DT will be sleeping (like any good baby) and K-Man will tell us that we need to be quiet. K-Man asks us to hold DT. He started to ask us to give her dinner, but then (as she does), she fell asleep. And, we, once again, needed to be quiet.

I love her name. K-Man says she has curly hair like his, but it’s brown like mine. Her name sounds kind of African. This is cool, as I’ve been playing my Djembe drum. Maybe when she gets a little older, she can help me get better. That, or he saw the To-Do Lists on my laptop and just got it backwards. Of course, he can’t read. So…I have no idea how he came up with Do-To. Maybe that’s part of the creativity, too? The name. If you name your imaginary friend something like Steve or Tom or Kate (no offense to any of those names) – maybe you’re not as creative.

I can’t remember if I had an imaginary friend. Apparently, if I did we weren’t all that close, or we had some kind of major fall-out that has separated us all these years. Maybe I’ll try to find him – or her – on Facebook if I can remember the name.

In the meantime. Shhhh. Do-To is sleeping.

I'm Getting Dizzy...

From all the damn spinning that’s going on.

I made the grave mistake of watching bits and pieces of the Republican National Convention. I saw Palin’s speech and started to watch McCain’s. About a third of the way through it – I just couldn’t freaking take it anymore. K-Man was watching some of Palin’s and I half expected him to turn around and in his sweetest voice say, “Daddy. Make it stop.”

And that’s exactly how I feel.

Granted, I know this election is important. I know that these two candidates are about as different as two dudes can get, but the act is getting old. The he-said/he-said (and now she-said) crap has just reached a level where it’s excruciating. It’s all spin. There is no “spin-free zone.” It’s just a bunch of posturing to discredit the opponent, belittle the parties and make us all feel a little dumber for having participated in the first place.

This is what I want.

I want a debate where McCain tells us all exactly what his policy is on the troops in Iraq. Then, Obama does the same. Then, they tell us all about their plans for education and medical insurance. And on and on. No more, “My opponent will tell you this. Or my opponent did that.” Screw that. Tell me what you want to do. You’re going to affect change? How?

I feel like I’m watching two guys run for 8th grade student council. I’m just waiting for one of them to promise “No more homework!” And the other will reply with, “More recess!” Neither of these things is possible, of course. (Especially in today’s education system where kids use suitcases to carry their books and have too much homework and not enough play.) But, the masses will get all geeked up over the potential, cheer, start to chant and generally make me feel embarrassed.

I’ve long said that after all these years (especially the last eight – dear G-d!), I just want a guy that makes our country appear smart. I want a guy who makes a speech that motivates me, inspires me and offers hope. (Maybe that IS a bit like “More recess!” but it’s all in the delivery.) I was too young to vote for/against Reagan, but the dude could deliver a speech. Clinton could too – until most of his talking was about defending himself (which was just ludicrous in itself). Obama does that, obviously.

Needless to say, as I watched Palin and McCain – I wasn’t inspired or motivated. I was saddened. And, I must say – I’ve become overly jaded. While my inclination is to lean toward Obama (because of the way he delivers those speeches), he is still, like his opponent, just reciting a script. He’s not delivering his words. He’s delivering the words of a writer. (Damn, he does it well, though.)

Take away the speech writers. Take away the rhetoric. Take away the posturing. The spin. The lies. Take all that away. Stand together – head-to-head, toe-to-toe – and just tell us all what you think. What you believe in. What you not only really WANT to do, but what you THINK you can do.

Don’t attack your opponent as being “un-American” if he wants to bring home the troops. Don’t call out your opponent because her daughter made a mistake. That’s not change. That’s business as usual. And, unfortunately, it’s been going on (in this case) for nearly two years. And, now it’s old. You’ve lost my interest and the interest of so many others. Please, do better in these last couple of months. Concentrate on what’s important.

So, while pointing to either Obama or McCain on the TV if K-Man does finally turn around and say, “Who’s that, Daddy?” I can tell him about the great position that is the President of The United States of America and how glory will be restored to the office (one way or another.) I fear I won’t be able to do that. But, just as both candidates will me to do – a guy can dream.

Mixing It Up

As I keep reading about and watching on TV - it's apparently a time for change (and I'm not talking about diapers).

In the course of the last few years, I've written hundreds of posts about K-Man and the parenting experience. I'll keep writing those. But, I've also written for a number of other sites about a number of other topics, including sports, wine and even corporate culture.

All of this has resulted in a crap-load of writing and robust results from a Google search. But, the truth is, I've often found myself writing to the content instead of just writing what I want. I know that may not make the most sense in the world, but to me it does. And, at this point, that's pretty much what matters most.

So, this blog will remain, but the content may change. I may start writing about sports, politics, marketing and more on this site. It won't all be about being a dad. After all, it's the Life & Times of a New Dad. And, all of those other subjects are related to my life & times.

It's time for a change. I need to mix it up. Time to start working on the next book, too.